so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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