I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I know her cup size but not her name....
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
