I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
