That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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