I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
