Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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