Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The best revenge is premature balding
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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