Your face is a jimmy john
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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