You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
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