You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
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You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
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he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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