Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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