I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize