I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
