I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
