I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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