just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
How does it feel to date your dad?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
