I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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