Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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