Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
