I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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