Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
