I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
