he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
