people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
