he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
