Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
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then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
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He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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