Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
