As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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