so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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