Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
