I hope mine doesn't look like that
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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