I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
