Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
