So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
