Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
did you just send me my own nude
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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