I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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