You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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