I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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