u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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