so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
