She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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