Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
There are leaves in my underwear?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
