I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
