whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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