So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
