I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
