I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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