oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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