no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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