I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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