I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
