when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
