drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
