Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
