no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
