not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
