she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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