Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
