Taylor Swift is so right about you.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
