I looked at my own cervix.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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