I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
50% drunk capacity currently
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
