I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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