The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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