she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
