hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
