I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
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I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
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I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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