I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
