I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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