it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
