yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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