omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We're too hungover to prance.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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