Screwed.edu
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
