What did we do last night that was yellow?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
