the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
