took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
