we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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