3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
